Welcome to the Jest-A-Day Journal published by Samantics Press
February 4th - Today is the 35th day of the year, with only 330 days remaining in 2006.

February Flowers - Violet, Primrose
February Birthstone - Amethyst (Sincerity)

Jest-A-Day Journal Celebrates Today's ThemeRepublican Party Name Day
In 1849, Alvan Bovay proposed the name "Republican Party" for the new party being formed.

The Jest-A-Day Journal Moon Phases
"Universal Time" (UT) which is sometimes referred to, now colloquially, as "Greenwich Mean Time" (GMT)
NEW MOON - Jan 29   2:15 p.m.
FIRST QUARTER - Feb 5   6:28 a.m.
FULL MOON - Feb 13   4:44 a.m.
LAST QUARTER - Feb 21   7:17 a.m.

The Jest-A-Day Journal Humor List
A PERSONAL CABINET
How sweet would it be if we each had our own personal cabinet? Cabinet as in "A body of persons appointed by a head of state or a prime minister to head the executive departments of the government and to act as official advisers." So here's what everyone would do:

1. Secretary of the Interior - This should be the best gastroenterologist you can find. This person should also be an amazing chef to cook you food that is not only delicious and tasty, but also food that will keep your system purring like so many happy kittens.

2. Secretary of Commerce - This person is in charge of buying things for you. Like a fraternity pledge, you can order your Commerce Secretary to the 7-11 late at night to pick up some taquitos, a Twix and a 12 pack of Cold Delish. Make sure that this person works very closely with your Secretary of Treasury.

3. Secretary of Treasury - This person is in charge of your bank account and finances. This is a big job, because it is this person's duty to advise you not to order that 4th round of drinks for the entire bar at 2 a.m. They pay your bills for you (on time for once), make sure you don't overdraw your checking account, haggle with your credit card company to lower your APR, etc.

4. Department of Justice - This person you just call "DOJ", and they get you out of trouble with Johnny Law. They get your parking and speeding tickets thrown out and make sure that people in general treat you with the respect you deserve. Just as your Treasury person and your Commerce person need to work arm-in-arm like bickering gay lovers, so do your DOJ and your Secretary of Defense.

5. Secretary of Defense - This is basically your bouncer. At all times, he should wear tight black jeans with a muscle T-shirt tucked in and some steel-toed boots, for occasions when the situation gets particularly sticky, like that time at the bar you asked some guy if he wanted to see naked pictures of his own mother. Everyone should know just by looking at this guy that they can't screw with you.

6. Secretary of Labor - Obviously, this person goes to work for you. This new-found freedom should give you the time to do all the things you always wanted to but couldn't because you had to "go to work." Just imagine it - you can sleep 'til 11, start off your day with a game of putt-putt on your front lawn in your underwear (Whose going to see?! Your neighbors are all at work!), perhaps send Commerce over to the 7-11 for some more tasty taquitos, maybe go for a short run with Defense (actually he carries you) ... you get the idea.

7. Secretary of Education - This person is in charge of keeping you up to speed on all the important things, like concert dates and happy hour times. They read the newspaper in the morning and fill you in on all the important stuff. They buy cool magazines and tell you neat stuff all day long, like who died on Dawson's Creek last night.

8. Secretary of State - This person is in charge of getting you drunk.

9. Secretary of Energy - This person is in charge of putting you to bed and curing your hangover.

10. Secretary of Transportation - Need a yacht? Want to take a trip to Tahiti in Led Zeppelin's tricked out jumbo jet? How 'bout just a driver for the day? This is your man. Some people prefer the snooty British type for this; others just want that limo driver from the first "Die Hard", Argyle. Yeah, like your socks.

11. Secretary of Health & Human Services - Ever run out of toilet paper WHILE you were on the john? I know, it sucks. Just yell for this dude and within seconds there'll be a knock on the bathroom door. If there isn't any T.P. in your house, he'll just send Commerce out for some, and some more taquitos. SHHS also must give you back rubs on command and fan you with palm fronds when the air is particularly stagnant.

12. Secretary of Veterans' Affairs - (Yes, there actually is a Secretary of Veterans' Affairs) This person keeps you in touch with all your old friends that you're just too lazy to e-mail or drunk dial. "Mr. Cockrill wants you to know how greatly he misses the pleasure of your company, (FRIENDS NAME HERE), and perchance if you are ever in the vicinity of (MY PRESENT ADDRESS HERE), the two of you could sup on aged port and roasted lamb with mint chutney."

13. Secretary of Homeland Security - This person handles a lot of different jobs. They make sure no one breaks into your house or your car. They keep the unsavories away from you. They also make sure you have everything you need when you leave your house or work or a club or anywhere - car keys, house key, cell phone, whatever. I know, this is kind of a lame job, but how many times have you locked yourself out of your car and wished with all your might that you hadn't done that. Well, with a Secretary of Homeland Security, it's their job to make sure it never happens again. Or else they get janitor duty in the bathroom. Oh man, I think I'm gonna be sick.............

- polloloco.blogspot

The Jest-A-Day Journal Celebrity Birthdays
ACTING -
1905 Eddie Foy Jr, New Rochelle NY, actor (Eddie-Fair Exchange)
1914 Ida Lupino, London England, actress (Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Jennifer)
1936 Gary Conway, Boston MA, actor (Burke's Law, Land of the Giants)
1945 David Brenner, Philadelphia PA, comedian/TV talk show host (Nightlife)
1970 Gabrielle Anwar, Middlesex England, actress (Scent of a Woman, Body Snatchers)

HISTORIC -
1902 Charles A Lindbergh, Detroit MI, pilot (first fly solo across Atlantic) [D: 08/26/74]
1913 Rosa Parks, Tuskegee AL, Mother of the Modern-Day Civil Rights Movement [D: 10/24/2005]
1931 Isabel Peron (Maria Martinez), La Rioja Argentina, dancer/president Argentina
1947 Dan Quayle, Indianapolis IN, Senator-R-IN/(44th Vice-President-R 1989-93)

MUSIC -
1944 Florence LaRue Gordon, Philadelphia PA, rocker (5th Dimension-One Less Bell)
1948 Alice Cooper (Vincent Furnier), Detroit MI, rocker (School's Out)
1962 Clint Black, Long Branch NJ, country vocalist (A Better Man)

SCIENCE -
1875 Ludwig Prandtl, Freising Bavaria, physicist (father of aerodynamics) [D: 08/15/53]
1906 Clyde William Tombaugh, Freising IL, astronomer (discovered Pluto) [D: 01/17/97]

SPORTS -
1959 Lawrence Taylor, Williamsburg VA, NFL's greatest linebacker (New York Giants) Hall of Fame 1999
1967 Sergei Grinkov, Moscow Russia, world figure skating champion/1988 Olympic gold
1973 Oscar De La Hoya, Los Angeles CA, boxer (Olympics-gold-92)
1988 Carly Rae Patterson, Baton Rogue LA, gymnast (Olympic-gold/silver-2004)

The Jest-A-Day Journal Today In History
1783 The United Kingdom formally declares that it will cease hostilities with the United States of America.
1789 George Washington is unanimously elected to be the first President of the United States by the U.S. Electoral College.
1861 Confederate constitutional convention meets for first time at Montgomery AL. Georgia, Florida, Louisiana, Mississippi and South Carolina elect Jefferson Davis President of Confederacy.
1927 The first talkie is released - The Jazz Singer starring Al Jolson.
1936 First radioactive substance produced synthetically (radium E).
1938 Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was released, and it went on to become a major box-office success, making more money than any other motion picture in 1938.
1941 The United Service Organization (USO) is created to entertain American troops.
1957 USS Nautilus, the first nuclear-powered submarine, logs her 60,000th nautical mile, matching the endurance of the fictional Nautilus described in Jules Verne's novel "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea".
1974 Patricia Hearst (19), daughter of publisher Randolph Hearst, kidnapped by Symbionese Liberation Army.
1985 20 countries (but not US) sign UN treaty outlawing torture.
1997 O. J. Simpson is found to be civilly liable for the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.
1998 Bill Gates gets a pie thrown in his face in Brussels Belgium.
MORE EVENTS

The Jest-A-Day Journal World-Wide Celebrations - source http://www.earthcalendar.net/

SOURCE: Earth Calendar
Commencement of the Armed Struggle - Angola
Independence Day - Sri Lanka
+ + + + + + + + + +
Setsubun (Bean Scattering) - Shinto

The Jest-A-Day Journal Humor For The Day
SENATE MEMBERS
A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, explodes one day in mid-session and shouts, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All of the Senators plead to the angry member that he withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member accepted.

"Ok," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

The Jest-A-Day Journal Quote For The Day
All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats. - Groucho Marx

The Jest-A-Day Journal Daffynition from WordFoolery
THE GOLDEN RULE: Republican creedo. (WordFoolery)

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