January 31st - Today is the 31st day of the year, with only 334 days remaining in 2006.

NATIONAL GORILLA SUIT DAY
http://www.povonline.com/National Gorilla Suit Day.htm

National Gorilla Suit Day, which mysteriously falls on January 31 of each year, is perhaps the important holiday of the year. Every National Gorilla Suit Day, people of all shapes and colors around the world get their gorilla suits out of the closet, put them on and go door-to-door.

National Gorilla Suit Day was invented by "Mad's Maddest Artist" (i.e., the weirdest of all the cartoonists in Mad Magazine), Don Martin...and maybe also by E. Solomon Rosenblum, a writer who collaborated with him on the 1964 paperback book, Don Martin Bounces Back!
(Thanks to Paul Benoit for the holiday suggestion and link)


"Universal Time" (UT) which is sometimes referred to, now colloquially, as "Greenwich Mean Time" (GMT)
NEW MOON - Jan 29   2:15 p.m.
FIRST QUARTER - Feb 5   6:28 a.m.
FULL MOON - Feb 13   4:44 a.m.
LAST QUARTER - Feb 21   7:17 a.m.


From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska, it's the Top Ten List for October 1, 2001
TOP TEN QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD ASK BEFORE BUYING A MONKEY
10. "Do I really need another monkey?"
9. "Have I monkey-proofed my kitchen?"
8. "How well will he get along with my panda?"
7. "Can I get a better deal on a monkey if I wait 'til after Christmas?"
6. "Am I yet another man in his 40s reacting to a mid-life crisis by purchasing a monkey?"
5. "How is the monkey school system in my district?"
4. "Won't it be cute if the monkey and I wear little matching outfits?"
3. "The traditional 10th anniversary gift is monkey, right?"
2. "Should I spend the extra money for an orangutan?"
1. "Do I really want to buy a monkey from a guy who looks like this?" (video of Dave in "Cabin Boy")
©MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.


ACTING -
1902 Tallulah Bankhead, Huntsville AL, actress (Lifeboat, Die Die Darling) [D: 12/12/68]
1915 Garry Moore, Baltimore MD, host (I've Got a Secret, To Tell the Truth) [D: 11/28/93]
1921 Carol Channing, Seattle WA, actress (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Hello Dolly)
1926 Jean Simmons, London England, actress (Thorn Birds, Guys & Dolls)
1934 James Franciscus, Clayton MO, actor (Mr Novak, Longstreet, Hunter) [D: 07/08/91]
1937 Suzanne Pleshette, NYC, actress (The Birds, Emily-Bob Newhart Show)
1941 Jessica Walter, Brooklyn NY, actress (Play Misty for Me, Lucille-Arrested Development)
1959 Anthony LaPaglia, Adelaide So Australia, actor (Malone-Without a Trace)
1971 Minnie Driver, London England, actress (Good Will Hunting, Ella Enchanted)

ARTISTIC -
1872 Zane Grey (Pearl Zane Gray), Zanesville OH, American West novelist (Riders of the Purple Sage) [D: 10/23/39]
1892 Eddie Cantor (Israel Iskowitz), NYC, "the Apostle of Pep" (Eddie Cantor Radio Show) [D: 10/10/64]
1903 Gardner "Mike" Cowles Jr., Iowa, publisher/founder (Look Magazine) [D: 07/08/85]
1905 John O'Hara, Pottsville PA, novelist (BUtterfield 8, Pal Joey, Appointment at Samarra) [D: 04/11/70]
1923 Norman Mailer, Long Branch NJ, writer/political reporter (The Village Voice)

HISTORIC -
1734 Robert Morris, Jr, Liverpool England, "Financier of the Revolution" (signed Declaration of Independence) [D: 05/08/1808]
1752 Gouverneur Morris, Westchester County NY, authored Preamble to U.S. Constitution [D: 11/08/1816]
1920 Stewart L Udall, St Johns AZ, US Secretary of Interior (1961-69)
1938 James G Watt, Lusk WY, US Secretary of Interior (1981-83)
1941 Richard Gephardt, St Louis MO, House Majority Leader (89-95)/Minority Leader (95-2003)

MUSIC -
1797 Franz Peter Schubert, Vienna, composer (Unfinished Symphony) [D: 11/19/1828]
1921 Mario Lanza, Philadelphia PA, operatic tenor/actor (The Great Caruso) [D: 10/07/59]
1951 Harry Casey [KC], Hialeah FL, rock vocalist (KC & Sunshine Band-That's The Way I Like It)
1981 Justin Randall Timerlake, Memphis TN, singer/actor (*NSYNC-Cry Me a River)

SCIENCE -
1868 Theodore W. Richards, Germantown PA, chemist (atomic weights, Nobel-1914) [D: 04/02/28]
1881 Irving Langmuir, Brooklyn NY, physical chemist/colloid researcher/inventor (gas filled incandescent lamp/Nobel 1932) [D: 08/16/57]

SPORTS -
1914 "Jersey" Joe Walcott, Merchantville NJ, heavyweight boxing champ (1951-52) [D: 02/25/94]
1931 Ernie "Mr Cubs" Banks, Dallas TX, 1st base (Cubs) retired #14/Hall of Fame 1977
1919 Jack Roosevelt Robinson, Cairo GA, 2nd base (Dodgers) retired #42/Hall of Fame 1962/Congressional Gold Medal 2003 [D: 10/24/72]
1947 Lynn Nolan Ryan, Jr., Refugio TX, pitcher (Mets, Angels, Astros) (7 no-hitters, 5714 strikeouts) Hall of Fame 1999


1606 Gunpowder Plot: Guy Fawkes is executed for his plotting against Parliament and James I of England.
1842 John Tyler's daughter Elizabeth marries in the White House
1851 Gail Borden announces invention of evaporated milk
1865 Congress passes 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery in America (121-24)
1928 Scotch tape first marketed by 3-M Company
1936 "Green Hornet" radio show is first heard on WXYZ Radio in Detroit
1949 First daytime soap on TV "These Are My Children" (NBC in Chicago)
1950 President Truman reveals that he ordered the Atomic Energy Commission to develop the hydrogen bomb
1964 US report "Smoking & Health" connects smoking to lung cancer
1971 Apollo program: Astronauts aboard Apollo 14 lift off for a mission to the moon.
1982 US male Figure Skating championship won by Scott Hamilton
1990 First McDonald's in Russia opens in Moscow, world's biggest McDonald's
MORE EVENTS

SOURCE: Earth Calendar
Heijra New Year - Kuwait
Independence Day - Nauru
Islamic New Year - Egypt, Jordan, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Uzbekistan
Muharram (Islamic New Year) - Indonesia
Muharram (Islamic New Year) (Muslim/Islam) - India
New Year (Islamic) - Bahrain


THE GORILLA GOLFER
The pro at the country club was rude. When he beat you on the golf course, he not only took your money, he then told you everything you did wrong and suggested that you would never be able to hit the ball out of your own shadow. One of the members had enough, so he bought a gorilla and trained it to play golf. He then set up a game with the pro -- $1000 a side with automatics.

The day of the match arrived and all parties were ready. The first hole was a par five of 575 yards. The pro teed off splitting the fairway some 270 yards out.

The gorilla lumbered up to the tee. Placed the ball on the ground and made a mighty swing. The ball rocketed off the clubface 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 575 yards and stopped 5 inches from the cup.

The pro just about fell out of his pants. If this was an indication of the way things were going to go then he would never live it down. He immediately settled the bet, remembering that he had urgent business across town. As they walked from the tee the pro asked, "How does he putt?"

"Oh," says golfer, "the same as he drives .. 575 yards!"


It's a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don't quit when you're tired - you quit when the gorilla is tired. - Robert Strauss


BATTLING APES: Gorilla warfare. (WordFoolery)

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